Can You Handle Being Alone? Astrological Signatures of Independence
One of the ironies of relationships is their success depends on your ability to not have a relationship. While mastering the art of intimacy is essential, you need to be comfortable with yourself first. This demands a level of healthy independence, and how you deal with being alone is clearly indicated in your chart. If the thought of not having a partner drives you to make desperate choices, this will impact the quality of your relationships. But if you’re so terrified of getting close to someone that you construct emotional walls, this will impact your love life as well. True security consists of accepting the fact that you are just fine as you are, single or paired up.
Alone But Not Lonely
All signs are capable of being independent, but it’s easier for some than others. Strong Aquarian/Uranian signatures in your chart mean you are more likely to embrace independence. Aquarius is the sign of liberation and detachment, and in balanced doses it enhances healthy individuation (which is not the same as numbing yourself as a defense mechanism). Aquarius on your 1st or 7th House cusp, or Uranus in aspect to your relationship planets (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars or your 1st/7th House rulers) or in your 7th House will impact your love life. Being single feels natural, and is often preferred. Even if you’re in a happy relationship, there are significant chunks of time when you’ll want to do your own thing. This has nothing to with your partner; you just function naturally as an individual. Keeping in mind that unacknowledged 7th House energies are often projected onto others, if you find that you’re drawn to unreliable or distant partners, know that this is your unacknowledged desire for independence. Natal Uranus/Aquarius relationship planets, in your 2nd House of security or 8th House of intimacy, can also indicate comfort with being alone. But (depending on the aspects and planets involved) Uranus in these houses can sometimes signal childhood trauma or disruption of security.
Your natal South Node (your comfort zone and past life situations) or South Node ruler in your 1st House of personal identity can make it natural to put yourself first. Depending on the rest of your chart, it may be easier for you to be single, although your path forward (natal North Node or ruler in your 7th House) does involve learning how to be in a relationship.
Strong Sagittarius signatures in your chart (involving the 1st/7th House or your relationship planets) can mean that you’re laid-back and optimistic about relationships. If you’re single, it’s no big deal because someone will eventually come along. If you’re in a relationship, you’re happy to be there, but you still need room to explore and experience life (with or without your partner). Aspects to Jupiter (Sag’s ruler) sometimes have the opposite effect, expanding the desire of the relationship planet (especially the Moon or Venus) which can result in overwhelming neediness or smothering love.
Even though Taurus is ruled by Venus, relationship planets in this sign can create a high level of self-sufficiency in a partnership. You’re grounded in the sense that you have everything you need within you. If you’re single and looking, Taurus can manifest extreme patience, because you’re concerned with quality over quantity. You can stubbornly wait for years (if need be) for the right person. Of course, if this energy is overdone, it can stagnate into the eternal bachelor/bachelorette who hunkers down fearfully, because inviting someone in would mean changing your routine.
Sun, Moon, Venus or Mars in the 12th House can enhance your need for alone time. Whether you’re single or involved, 12th House energy creates a need for isolation. This house represents what’s removed from the mundane world. You can’t (and usually don’t want to) share everything that’s in this house, even if you’re paired up with the love of your life. Sometimes natal Jupiter in the 12th House can indicate happiness with being alone. Quiet time brings you joy, and possibilities for the future emerge only when external distractions have been quieted.
Aspects between Saturn and your relationship planets can go either way. As I wrote in this article, hard aspects from Saturn often create a shell of self-sufficiency, based on fear. But the harmonious aspects (trine and sextile) can bolster strength and security with your own company. You don’t need to rely on a partner, because you know you can rely on yourself. When you’re in a relationship, you’re mature, stable and dedicated. With work and self-awareness, the hard aspects from Saturn can have the same outcome. Relationship planets in Capricorn can certainly indicate maturity and stability, but I’ve also seen the opposite: fearful partners who are locked into unsatisfying relationships, because it’s better than being alone (perhaps because this sign is associated with tradition and conformity).
Lonely But Healthy
And what about the signs that are associated with relationships and intimacy? Libra is the sign of partnerships, Cancer needs to be needed, and Scorpio is driven to merge. If you have relationship planets in these signs, or have these signs on your 1st/7th House cusps, the desire to share your life with someone is probably pretty intense. However, I’ve seen examples of Libra-, Cancer- or Scorpio-heavy charts where the person is single, very lonely, but still comfortable with that state. How is this possible? It involves the acknowledgement that you don’t want to be single, but you’re still a fully-rounded, dynamic individual. The next step is maximizing your potential as an individual, which attracts a healthy partner to you. There’s hope that someone is out there, but no desperation.
Anyone can arrive at this place, but it’s easier if your relationship planets are in one of the conditions described above (in the 12th House, or aspecting Saturn/Uranus). The other possibility is that you’ve made an evolutionary leap forward: your natal North Node (path to reach your full potential) or ruler is in your 1st House, or Pluto is aspecting your relationship planets. The North Node is unfamiliar territory, but you have a gut feeling that what it represents is best for you. A 1st House North Node or ruler doesn’t mean you can never be in a relationship, but all your relationships (or lack thereof) will encourage the development of your identity outside a partnership. Aspects from Pluto indicate accelerated development (the intensity is the accelerant), but first you need to get past obsessive attachments where your love interest means everything. Once you make that leap forward (usually after many hard lessons involving loss) you become empowered, because you understand that you can’t control/compel others.
Related:
- The Detached Lover: Aspects Between the Moon and Uranus in the Natal Chart
- The 12th House Venus Woman
